“Your faith is so strong.”
I’ve heard that several times in my life.
When it’s said to me, it encourages me. But it also confounds me sometimes. For I don’t always FEEL strong in my faith. Others may not see that. They may not see or be aware that I cry in the dark sometimes. That I can feel sorry for myself and wonder why God seems so far away or is not answering my prayers. That I too, can grow weary.
No one’s faith walk is perfect. No one sails through trials, challenges, or unanswered prayers with total peace and faith in their heart every time. Sure - sometimes we do. Sometimes God gives us unexplainable trust and peace throughout very hard ordeals. But sometimes? Sometimes we long for it, yearn for it, and it escapes us - just like everyone else.
I am farrr from perfect. I struggle with pride. Bitterness. Selfishness. And other things too.
I struggle. Just like everyone else.
I have regrets. Just like everyone else.
And yet - there is one thing I am determined to do. And that is to have faith.
Even in those moments where I feel so feeble, small, and pitiful - I ask God to hold on to me. To give me greater faith and belief in Him. To help me SEE and HEAR Him. To know that He is there with me.
I refuse to not ask Him for help. Because I am scared to death to make the biggest mistake of my life. Which is to ignore He exists.
And so in those moments and times when someone tells me, “Your faith is so strong.” I CAN be encouraged. That a faith that I sometimes feel isn’t strong or big enough - somehow shows up and in my life for others to see.
I can be encouraged that even if my faith feels as small as a mustard seed, that it indeed matters. That it can move a life.
And I can be encouraged to continue to pray, to seek belief in those moments when I lean towards unbelief - and to to better myself.
Yes, sometimes my faith IS strong. But sometimes? Sometimes it’s so very, very weak. And in those times it’s when I notice that it’s weak not because God has moved. But because I have moved. I have stopped seeking. Stopped listening. And stopped growing.
Faith is so hard for some to find. When we feel we must understand everything - faith can seem far-fetched and inescapable. And yet we so easily have faith that the air we breathe is safe. Or that we will wake after we fall asleep.
We demonstrate faith everyday of our lives. We just don’t think about it.
So why is it so hard to believe that there is a God who created us? Who loves us? And who is. patient with us?
“Your faith is so strong.” Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe my faith is just EXERCISED. APPLIED. And OPEN to what a Lord and Savior can do in my life.
