There's Something About Death

 

There’s nothing like death, that can make a person reevaluate their life.

Am I making the most of my time while I’m alive?

Do I need to make healthier choices?

Are their relationships I need to repair?

The list goes on and on. Losing someone we loved, admired, or cared for - causes us to pause, think, and dig internally a little deeper.

And yet there is also something about death that seems to make us turn on our heals and blame God. 

Someone suffered greatly.

A good person was taken, and an evil one was left.

We asked God for healing and it didn’t come.

So many questions. So many unfelt answers.

It perplexes us. Confounds us. Turns our lives upside down. We grieve, we rebel, we doubt, we fear.

I started experiencing death at an early age. My great grandmother passed when I was 6. That is the earliest loss I remember. I don’t remember feeling sadness - just awareness of what was going on around me and the responses. Then I lost my grandpa at age 10. That one hit me hard. 3 weeks later I lost my uncle in a plane crash. And from there, I lost someone I cared about every year until after high school. Death came in the shape of illnesses, and unexpected car accidents. 

I learned how to walk in sadness. And I learned how not to waste time. How to love deeply - because the sadness would be felt just as deeply. I learned how to say I loved, I cared, I saw things in someone. I learned how to learn from people. To watch, and to take what I saw was good and to input it into my heart and my life.

A lot of people don’t get the chance to learn those things. A lot of people don’t CHOOSE to learn those things.

And to me, that is one of the greatest lessons of all. 

Choice.

We choose what we will learn and grow from. And we choose our responses.

With every love, comes the risk to hurt and lose. They go hand in hand. 

It’s not God’s fault we will perish. We were going to perish anyways. It IS God’s grace and mercy, that provided a way for us to live on after this life.

And some may say - why did He create us at all? Why does He stand by and allow us to suffer? I say He doesn’t enjoy it. Yes, He may allow it, but I don’t believe He enjoys it. And I go back to what I originally said - because sometimes it’s only in death that we dig deeply and decide to make changes in our lives. It’s only through death, that we reevaluate who we are, WHY we are, and WHAT we are doing with the time we’ve been given.

I pray when it’s my time, that it’s not painful. For me, or for those who love me. In fact, I pray it’s beautiful. A time where I’m surrounded by comfort, love, and joy - because I know where I’m headed, and those around me know where I’m headed. And my God will come to me in those moments with peace, strength, and His perfect words to leave behind me.

Death is not a choice we want as part of our lives. But it is unavoidable. 

What we take from it is hard. It wrecks us at times. But it can be used for good. It’s just up to us, to decide if we’ll let it.

Why Do We Try So Hard To Hide the "Ugly"

Why?

Why is it when someone commits suicide that no one mentions what happened? Everyone wonders. They inquire. And we seem so eloquent in our choice of wording. 

Why is it when someone dies from cancer we don’t want to show them with no hair? Everyone knows they lost it. They know what happened. 

Why do we try to act like everything is fine when someone we love ends up arrested or in jail? 

I just wonder why we try so hard to hide the bad things. Why we try to cover up what we deem “ugly.” 

News travels. News is discovered. News and pictures are found on the Internet, on the news, shared from friend to friend. Talked about amongst family. It is uncovered. Almost always. Sometimes right away. Sometimes over years.  But still… it is usually unearthed.

Our efforts were in vain.

I don’t think God looks at what we see as bad or ugly quite the same way. I think he often finds our molding, shaping, chiseling, and sifting times as beautiful. He is teaching us. Using us. 

We are often selfish people. We want to keep our reputations and image spotless. And yet that is not “real.” 

We are not truly community if we can’t embrace one another in the highs and lows of life. We can’t walk alongside of each other, grieve, love on, support or help unless we let everything sit out in the open. For aren’t we here to learn, grow, and help each other be better? How can we do that if everyone acts like they are already “better?”

We try to mask what others already see. What they instinctually know. For what? For ourselves, usually. For those who truly love us don’t care. They won’t leave. They won’t judge. 

So I again ask…what is it all for? What do our efforts bring about but temporary comfort?

Be real! Be free. Let others see the struggle, so that they too can be free to struggle. Let them see the heartache. So they too, can cry. Let them see the pain. So that they can see that there is beauty to be found in it. 

Let them see. 

Let them love. 

Not Everything Is Equal

 

We seem to live in a time in life where everyone wants things to be “equal.” Whether or not someone’s efforts are excellent, people seem to want to achieve the same level as someone who has given sweat and soul day in and day out to get to where they are.

I was the little sister. I got a lot of hand-me-downs growing up. I didn’t always get “new.” But that’s what happens to siblings who come after the first-born. Should our parents not be wise with their finances and discard perfectly good items just because we want what our eldest sibling had? 

No. Life is not fair. It is not equal.

The youngest sibling often has more relaxed standards in the family because the parents “learned” that thing would be okay if they adjusted and picked their battles. This is something the oldest sibling often has to learn the hard way and with more responsibility on their shoulders.

It’s not wrong. It’s just not equal.

And that’s the way it should be in society and in our lives.

Race, religion, the sexes - none of that should play as great a role as “are you qualified?” “Are you excellent in your work?” “Are you honest?” “Have you worked for it?” 

Not everything is equal. 

But it still can be good. Because the people that deserve to be promoted, should get promoted. The people who deserve to be heard over the airwaves, are heard. The people who deserve to get benefits, get them.

We need to have something to hope for. Work for. Believe in.  THAT is what makes us grow. THAT is what makes us better.

Perfection Comes In Many Different Forms

Have you ever felt so thankful to be in a spot that you know was of God’s choosing and not your own?

I have.

I have closed my eyes, felt tears come to my throat and eyes, and just thanked God as I sat in the moment of knowing I was in God’s “here.” Not my “here.” Not a place of MY choosing. Or a time of MY choosing. But one that I was allowed to see… was clearly His.

Footsteps orchestrated by God alone. 

A place picked out by Him.

Details maneuvered and navigated by my Lord. Personalized and tailored just for me.

And it was all perfect.

When I say “perfect” - I don’t mean that each time I saw I was sitting in the place He’d picked for me that everything was beautiful. Sometimes, indeed, it was beautiful. Other times, it was perfect in the way of renewal. Or sifting that I didn’t know I needed. Healing. Refining. Answered prayers of deliverance.

Perfection often comes in many different forms.

But still, I sit in those moments - deeply indebted and thankful. Humbled. And feeling so very loved and reminded that I have a God who sees my deepest hurts and needs. I have a Lord, who WANTS what is the best for me. 

Those moments are everything to me. 

When was the last time you looked at the threads in your life and realized God placed you where you are for a reason? Sometimes we don’t see because we simply don’t look. Or maybe we forgot our long ago prayer to have what now sits in the palm of our hands.

But He didn’t forget.

He didn’t stop loving.

And so here we sit. In God’s “here.” In the “here” we longed for and needed. The one that we didn’t even see on the agenda. And yet it fits us so perfectly.

Because again. Perfection comes in many different forms.