I am weak. I know it.
I hate going through heartache, pain, confrontation, dealing with difficult people, or anything that is just plain HARD.
I realize these times draw me closer to God. They pull me to Him on my knees, asking Him to spare me.
Asking Him to remove the difficult challenge, the pain… the battle.
And often, He does. Sometimes, He does not. I writhe in deep misery for a bit. I cry. I cling to Him wondering when that ‘thing’ I’m dealing with, will be over.
And I learn. Always, I learn.
He grows me. He teaches me. He gently reaches down carrying me through.
Every time.
He is such a faithful God.
And yet, I somehow feel like I should be stronger. That the goal should not be to have God spare me - as much as I welcome it. As much as I cling to that hope.
The goal should be not for me to ask Him to REMOVE the hurts, challenges, and pain. It should be that I am strong enough to ask Him to simply give me strength as I walk THROUGH them.
Oh, that one day I won’t ask Him to remove them. But that I will simply be strong enough to have inner peace knowing that I will be more like Him, because of them.
That is a gift I could give to those I love who follow me. To show them that I can be faithful and obedient DESPITE what comes my way, knowing that my God is good - EVEN through the powerful storms that sweep through my life.
I am not there yet. I don’t feel anywhere close. But I admire those who are. And my heart hopes that someday I can find my feet standing where those before me have walked.
In hope. In peace. And in strength. Not with the storm subsiding, but with it raging all about me - knowing I am safe, I am loved, and I am sealed with His blood.
Nothing this life can ever touch.
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