We all have people in our lives who disappoint us. It may be our siblings, our spouse, our parents, coworkers, or friends.
Usually, it’s someone we deal with closely. USUALLY, it’s a family member.
Because we care so much about them, it hurts all the more, when they let us down.
I don’t know what it is, but it feels like for most of us, we feel like we can just “love them better.” It’s as if we are trying to overcompensate for the holes they have personally in their own character, attitude, and life. We feel like if we just showed them love more often, were more vocal or interactive or… whatever… that the relationship would improve.
If…. “WE” did something better… then “THEY” would no longer disappoint us, fail us, neglect us, or hurt us.
Loving is the greatest gift we can give ANYONE. Grace, mercy, forgiveness.. invaluable. They can heal so many wounds and hurts. But if someone CONTINUALLY hurts and disappoints - nothing WE do, will make up for that.
In fact, if we vow to only try harder, do more, and ignore the fact that some healthy boundaries need to be put up (yes - even in close family relationships) we are only fueling the fact that we will continue to be disappointed, let down, and hurt.
People have to decide for themselves that someone is a priority to them.
We can love to the best of our abilities, but some people will just take advantage of that.
We CANNOT love enough to change someone. Oh, how I wish we could! And I’m not saying to stop loving someone. I am, however, saying there are times where love needs to show different action in the face of habitual behavior.
Sometimes, instead of doing MORE, we need to do LESS. And that is the most loving thing we can do for a relationship.
Sometimes, instead of ignoring an action, or behavior, (and calling it love), we need to call someone on it.
Sometimes, instead of giving, and giving, and giving, and giving - we need to let go. And let God address what needs to be addressed. This can be SO HARD, when you are in close proximity with the person who disappoints you. It can be painful. But no one can move a heart like God can. No one can get someone to WANT to improve or be a better man or woman, than God can.
We cannot love the inadequacies out of someone else. We can only simply love. And sometimes that means protecting others in our lives from those very hurtful inadequacies. It means distancing yourself, so that that other individual might gain the space and time to realize they miss you. They want you in their life. And that they’ve taken you for granted.
We allow ourselves to be used. To be taken for granted. All in the name of love. But love is not weak. It is strong. Yes, it’s patient. Yes, it’s kind. But it’s also long-suffering and it has self-control. Those two qualities might have to come in the form of saying, “enough, I will not enable you anymore in your unhealthy habits.”
Love is so powerful. It is so beautiful. But it also has great strength. True love for someone else, might mean removing yourself from the equation of filling those unhealthy holes in THEIR life, and letting them continue.
We will continue to be disappointed by people. But we don’t have to continue to place ourselves as a target.
Love. Love well. But know when to love well by saying, “I won’t be your excuse for not changing anymore.”
