What Is the Thing In Life, That First Stole Your Confidence?

When you look back on your life - what is that ‘thing’ that almost destroyed you? 

What is that thing that made you feel like you were crumbling into pieces? That thing that caused you to doubt who you were, why you were, and HOW you were…. As a person and an individual?

What was that big thing in your life - that first stole your confidence?

There is a ‘thing’ for most of us. Something that shattered our ideal expectations of how life is supposed to be.

I remember the ‘thing’ in my life. I remember it very well. I remember how for the first time, I started feeling shaky in my personal identity.

I almost let that ‘thing’ steal it from me completely. 

Before that period of time, I didn’t really wonder if I spoke too much. I didn’t question my judgement. I didn’t think that maybe I was “unlikeable.” Afterwards though? Afterwards, I grappled with those questions. And more. Sometimes a lot.

Wars do that to us. Spiritual wars. Emotional wars. And even physical wars in our lives.

They twist and turn, and pull our confidence out and away from us.

And they laugh.

Because in return, we often dwindle. We stop using our gifting. We fail to speak up. We try to fix things in ourselves, to imitate others (when in reality, nothing needed fixing.)

We wither.  We struggle. We doubt.

We lose our confidence.

We need to learn to fight back. For me, I barely held on. It was my faith that carried me through. And even then, it took years to slowly rebuild what was stolen from me, for a time. But I did it. 

I found my voice again. I regained my sparkle. I renewed my sense of self. And I learned to love me for me. Not thinking I was perfect, but knowing I was and am, uniquely a ‘me’ that is worthy of being liked and loved.

Who we are should be celebrated. It may be a process to learn who you are, and what you want out of life - but that process can be a fun journey.

So journey back to where it all began. With that ‘thing’ that first stole your confidence. Whether it was words that told you you weren’t good enough, or didn’t have ‘it’. Go back and reclaim it. Don’t let someone else decide who you will be.

Chase after yourself. That part of you that was left back in the past on a certain day, and in a certain time. Grab the gift in ‘you’ that was left behind. 

Was it your creativity? Your thoughts? Was it your dream? Grab it and run with it to today. Place it inside of your heart again, and relearn how that part of you, was always meant to be part of you.

Regain your confidence. Become aware of who you were meant to be. 

Identify all that you are. And love it. Live it. 

Say goodbye to the thief that came years ago. Make a choice to never let anyone steal anything from your character ever again.

Win this war.

Don't Ask God for Clarity

I can’t get this out of my head.  A small story I heard recently.

Someone asked Mother Theresa to pray for them, and in what direction, they should walk, in their future. They asked her to pray that God would give them clarity.

A prayer I’m familiar with. I’ve prayed that prayer. I’ve asked others to pray it for me.

Yet, in this story, I heard that Mother Theresa told the gentleman “no”. She said she would not pray for him. Because to ask for clarity - meant that he would not walk in faith.

He would not walk in faith.

That sentence has settled into my bones.

How many times have I failed to walk in faith? How many times have I sought answers so that I would know what to do… robbing me, of a time of growth with my Lord?

If I know what to do, if I know which way to walk, and if I know what God’s answer will be….. I have no reason to follow Him in faith. And faith is everything.

I choose to ask for the easy way out. Clarity. Instead of simply trusting, that God will direct my footsteps, as I walk in faith.

Such a big difference, and a big oversight on our part.

We are strangling our faith. We are pushing it aside in the quest for signs, wonders, and rainbows.

We look for a clear “BIG CALLING” on our lives, instead of simply living faithfully day to day.

Faith.

We need to grow our faith. Lean on our faith. Trust in our faith. 

And trust in our God instead of beckoning for answers, before we embark on any journey.

I’m not saying we ought not to pray. We should pray. Fervently. Boldly. And with open hearts. But then we should begin our quest. Trusting He will take those prayers, and guide us along the way.

Faith.

Yes. It’s everything,

It's Surgery Time

On Wednesday, I had upper jaw surgery.

As you read this, I will be recuperating. 

The jaw surgery process is not an easy one.  It involves a lot of sleeping upright, (if you’re able to sleep), a 30-day “no chew” diet, trying to get liquids and nutrients in so you can heal, while you are dealing with lips and cheeks that are numb. It involves patience.

It involves more things that I don’t need to go into detail to. Things that aren’t “pretty.” Things that need to heal. 

And it’s a slow healing process.

*It will take me close to 5 months to be able to eat completely normally again.

*It will probably take close to 6 months, before my braces get to come off.

*And it will take up to a year, for any lasting stubborn swelling and numb spots to go away.

Won’t you say a prayer for me?

I’m ready. But can you ever be completely ready for what you will go through?

They say the first week is the toughest. 

I’d love it if you’d pray for:

*Pain and swelling management

*That I will be able to swallow and get enough liquids and nutrients in, to help me navigate this first week much more smoothly.

*For sleep.

*For no infections to creep in.

*For strength. Emotional. And Physical.

*For my family as they help take care of me. That they will know how to help me get the nutrients I will need, the sleep I will need, the pain management I will need - and the love and support I will need.

*For no lasting side effects or unfortunate “damage.” For COMPLETE healing of my jaw, teeth, face, and mouth.

Thank you so much. This has been a big thing facing me in my life, and I’m ready to welcome in the changes that this procedure will bring to my overall health.

Hopefully, I’ll be back on my feet in no- time. 

~ Dionna

The Only One to Stay and Watch the Tears Fall

Boy, life can sure wreck us emotionally, sometimes.  Sometimes we feel like we try and try and try… and we are the only ones fighting for ourselves. We are the only ones who care so deeply.

It can feel like no one cares if we cry.

No one cares if we’re lonely.

No one cares if we’re upset.

No one cares if something hit us very personally.

And that may be true.  

Let’s be honest, the world is so easily caught up in ITSELF.

There are days where all I need is a hug. All I need is someone to hold me and tell me they care. They understand. That it will all be ok.

I need to know that I’m not the only one fighting for ME.

And sometimes, I find that God is the only one in my corner. He is the only one reaching out His arms to hold me. 

He is the only one who stays, to watch the tears fall.

He is the only one, who understands what I’m feeling, and why I’m feeling that way.

Thank heavens.

Thank heavens, when I ask for someone to hold me - HE DOES.

Thank heavens, when I cry out, HE HEARS.

Thank heavens, He never leaves me alone. He never walks away.

His arms are big enough. Long enough. And strong enough.

And He fights for me. Maybe more so, than I fight for myself. He fights in wiser ways. For my greater good.

Life can wreck us emotionally sometimes. But we are not the only ones fighting on our behalf. God is.  And in those moments when you’re alone, FEELING alone, stop. Stop and see. Stop and know. 

He is there too. In that alone moment with us. 

Had We Only Known

Sometimes we ask God for just “one” thing. And it can be frustrating when we feel it’s a small thing. Something that would be easy to honor, or grant to us.

But He doesn’t. And it isn’t.

Only God knows why He says “no” to us, for the most part.  If we’re lucky, He will open our eyes, and reveal what His plan was; when we are farther down the road.

And what a gift, when He does.

I can look back and see those times in my own life. There were those seasons where I felt literally chased by evil. Or those times where nothing made sense at all, and I didn’t understand why. Why was my process so wacky, when everyone else went through the same process, and got through with ease?

Had I only known.

Had I only known what God was orchestrating. Had I only known what He would bring about.

I would have seen things so differently. I would have ACTED so differently.

One thing. Just one thing. One thing can change a life. It can be the material, used to start an organization. To create a bill in Washington. One thing, can be the catalyst to start a movement. It can create the foundation for a book, or a Bible Study. One thing can begin a career.

Just one thing.

We are often attacked by Satan in the very areas that God plans to use for ministry.

We are often wounded, in the very spots, that can bring about someone else’s healing. And we are often gifted, in touching, special ways - ONLY because of those very wounds we experienced.

Had we only known at the time.

Some things feel so brutal. And they probably are. But God is with us all the time. In every moment. He is walking with us, and He is not unfeeling, or uncaring about our pain. 

He just knows it won’t last forever.

We will struggle. We will hurt. But we can also rise.

We can hope He will unveil the curtain of mystery at some point, and show us the “why” of that painful road we travelled on.

And at that moment, we will understand, close our eyes, and think… “Had we only known.”