How Do You Let Your Child Go?

How do you let your child go? The one who you gave up everything in life for – for the past 18 years?

It’s 4 days before I make the long drive to take my baby to college. My BABY. The one I asked God for. The one I looked down on, knowing she was a magical gift. A miracle.

The one I worried about every time she was sick, or got hurt. The one I saw blossom before my very eyes into a beautiful young woman. Outside yes – but increasingly on the inside, as well.

How do you handle not knowing where exactly, your child is?  Not knowing how well they are eating and sleeping? Not knowing if they are dressing warmly enough, or if they walk back into their room in a bad mood, because they didn’t have a great day?

How do you handle knowing how tired over the years you were – from driving your child to and fro, from picking up last minute supplies for school projects, or taking them to a friend’s house….only to have a quieter home? One that is void of that laughter and sound?

How do you disguise the tears that want to fall from your eyes – FOUR days before you leave to say goodbye?  Or the fact that your heart is simultaneously breaking, while being proud and excited at the same time?

It’s all so much.

I want my daughters to be independent. I want them to purse their own identity in life. I never want them to HAVE to call mom, text mom, or do something for mom. But I sooo want them to want to!

I want them to miss me. I want them to run home in anticipation of sharing a story with me. I want them to see that my life goes on too… just like theirs. And that I have interests, friendships, and commitments. But they will always be my priority. My deepest loves.

I know their world will grow bigger. And my role will be smaller. How do you successfully manage that? How do you transition with grace into that role?

Four days. Four days where I can ponder my own feelings. Navigate them.

Four days until I say goodbye to one of my very best friends in the whole wide world.

I’m not ready. But I’m willing.

This is my job. My role. To set my little bird free, and watch her fly.

Heaven, help me.