Letting the Rough Edges Show

We like to be polished.  We like to have our homes all clean before company comes over.  We like to have our hair done, makeup on, and a cute trendy outfit to walk in, when we go out the door. 

We like to have our “image” in-tact. A smile ready on our face.

Polished.

Inwardly, for most, there are yearnings, longings, doubts, and hurts.

Inwardly, for most, we want someone to know those very things we are afraid to put out there. Those things that we feel might make us seem needy, odd, or desperate.

We want someone to reach out to us, FOR us, and be there WITH us.

But we don’t give others the chance, because of all the polish we lather over our lives.

I get it. I do. I want people to think I’m cute. I want people to like my home. And I want to be adored, just like the rest of you. I don’t want to be embarrassed or rejected. I don’t want to know that I fall short of someone’s expectations, or that I’m just not “love-worthy” enough for their lives.

But the thing is, I just can’t relax and be free in who I was meant to be, unless I let that polish wear off a bit. Or a lot. I can’t trust that someone will be there for me, unless I know they accept through the ugly, as well as the beautiful.

So, you have to unapologetically, let your life show for what it truly is.

Not everyone will open their arms to you.  Not everyone will love you without judgment. But the ones who step forward, who are willing to? Aren’t they worth the risk that you took to be vulnerable?

I kind of prefer a rustic look rather than a polished one, anyways. I see the beauty in the rough edges.  Not everyone does.

I mess up all the time. I forget things. I let people down. This is what living is. We are flawed.  So, why do we cover that up? Let’s own it. Repair it, when we can. And watch to see who God sends to help us be the best US, we can be.

THEY will be our polish, you know. For a true friend brings out the best  – and then, the shine is lasting.

I’d much rather have that kind of glow. The kind of glow that comes from being loved with an authentic love. Even if I have to wait for it.

Some Need It a Little Bit More

When was the last time somebody made you cry?

I bet it only took you a minute to remember the hurt someone caused your heart. But how about if I asked you when the last time was, that YOU made somebody cry? Could you answer as readily?

Most of us don’t realize when something we say or do causes somebody else to shed some tears. Most of us, aren’t that cold. We’d never blatantly cause hurt to someone.

The thing is, we may cause someone to cry, without realizing it.

We are human. We get irritated with others. We get impatient. We grow frustrated. After all, our lives are busy and hurried. We are low on time and low on sleep. We don’t have time for slow or stupid drivers. We don’t have the patience for the new worker at the store. We don’t want to be inconvenienced. We don’t want to clean up after other people’s mistakes.

Yet we never know what someone else is going through. Our actions may be the last straw for them. Our words could be the fuel that lights the fire that has been burning inside of them. The one that really stems from other issues. Other hurts.

I don’t ever want to be someone else’s last straw. Do you? Even if I’m not the source of where their tears are coming from, I don’t want to be the one that causes them to boil up and over.

I want to be the one that brings healing. The one that softens the hurt. The one that gives hope.

I know I can’t always get my words and actions right. I can’t always see when someone else is hurting (although I sure hope my eyes try to be open to it.) But, I don’t want my unhurried, unthoughtful words or actions to rub someone who is already raw, in the kind of way that stings their heart and soul all the more.

No.

And let’s just admit, that we are all a little careless with one another’s feelings! We all lack a little grace and mercy to allow others the room to move about life with awkwardness and missteps.

There are streets full of people ready to cry right now. People who are hurting. People who are stifling that hurt down, trying to forge on… until they run into one of us and we don’t handle their run-in with us, with any care at all.

And so the tears fall.

No, we aren’t responsible for the origins of pain in someone else’s heart and life. But we ARE responsible for how we treat every person we meet. The one who drives next to us on the freeway, the one who stands next to us in the grocery store, and the one who lives on our street.

Decency. Respect. Thoughtfulness. GRACE. Every individual needs these things in their life.

Some, need it a little bit more.

Cutting Costs When Planning a Wedding

My daughter got married in 2016.  I am so thankful that she was “on top of her game.” She was so organized, resourceful, and had done her research.  She made things so much easier for me!

As any parents, who have a child get married do, we learned a lot along the way.  Her wedding was in no-way cheap. But we also ensured that we didn’t go into debt throwing a beautiful day for her.

I had a reader suggest that I write a post on how to cut costs for a wedding. And although I am in NO way a professional, I WILL share a few things, that hopefully, will help other brides out there ,who are seeking to save some pennies (or dollars!)

1.     Decide what will be most important to you down the road. Will it be the pictures? Will it be the wedding dress? The venue? Then, once you have figured out what matters the most to you, invest the most into these things and cut costs on the rest.  In 20 years, you will still have your wedding pictures or video, but you may not remember what your punch tasted like, or what color your table linens were!  Prioritize.

2.     Flowers can get expensive quickly.  We cut costs here, by ordering ours from Costco. They were beautiful and very fresh upon arrival.  You can also get flowers at your local grocery store.  We also cut costs on boutonnieres and corsages. You can get some just for the parents and the pastor or ringbearer and groom. Instead of carrying fresh flowers, the bridesmaids can carry a single flower, or something else altogether like lanterns. 

As for decorations, you can limit your use of flowers to what matters the most to you. For the rest, use fake, or substitute candles.

3.     Sales. Take advantage of sales! Hobby Lobby often has 50% off sales where you can get your wedding items ½ off. You can also get signs, candles, décor, or anything else you may need at ½ the price if you simply go at the right time. They rotate their sales, so just keep an eye out and you should be able to hit it.

If there are any bridal garage sales in your area – go! We went to two at some nearby venues and they saved us huge costs. We got drink containers, linens, lighting, signs, and more. Some items the brides ended up not even using, so they were brand new! And you get that at fraction of the cost, because brides and grooms don’t really need 50 vases – right? So they want to get rid of their stuff.

4.     Linens. Check online. It’s often about the same price (or even cheaper) to BUY your own table linens than to rent them. And then you have them to resell after the wedding or use again, if that’s your preference.

5.     Music. DJ’s can be costly. Again, it’s what matters the most to you. But you can make your own playlist and just put someone in charge of managing the music timing to the events going on during and after the wedding.

6.     Use family and friends.  Do you have a friend who is great with video? Offer to pay him/her a little bit to video your day – instead of hiring a professional.  Does someone you know love to cook? Ask them to help you with some food.  Someone have a knack for decorating? Love to do hair? Use your friends and family. Most of them will be honored you asked, and love to be a part of your special day.

7.     Make your own.  Pinterest is phenomenal for “do-it-yourself” wedding ideas. Some are easy, some are not. But if you are creatively talented at all, you may want to make some of your own things to cut costs down.  My daughter’s flower girls got inexpensive dresses at Hobby Lobby, to which she made her own faux flowers and glued them onto their dresses. They did not look “handmade” but were darling. My husband also made a huge LOVE sign out metal and wood that was phenomenal.

8.     Food. Again, caterers are costly. If you know people who will contribute to make things – go that way. Or, you can do ½ and ½. Purchase some food yourselves, and supplement with some homemade things like deviled eggs, chip dip, or punch. Jimmy Johns, Chick Fil A, and Subway offer sandwiches for more casual food, and some restaurants offer fancier fare. But you need to decide ahead of time to give them time to prepare. And usually, you will have to pick it up yourselves.

9.     Makeup and hair. Do it yourself! Or, have a friend help you out who is gifted in that area.

10.  Venue. A lot of couples are getting married in venues instead of churches. To cut costs, get married on a weekday. The venues are much cheaper on weekdays, and actually, caterers, photographers, etc often offer discounted prices on weekdays as well.  You can also look for venues that include things to help you cut certain costs – cake, silverware, linens, tables, lighting, pastor, etc.

These are just a few helpful ideas. The best way to cut costs is to keep your mind open. Prioritize. Be flexible. And allow room for changes. Plan early, and stay organized!

Lastly, don’t forget that so much planning goes into the wedding day, and not as much into the rest of your life. Premarital counseling is very important. If you need to cut costs on this, some pastors do a few sessions for free, if they are already marrying you. Or, you can go online and take a few compatibility tests and purchase a book/workbook to go through together.

Best of luck to you all. Marriage is a gift. Always treasure it.

It's Not WHAT You Do, It's HOW You Do It

“Actions speak louder than words.” Such a true statement.

We are so good at saying things to one another.  “I love you.”  “I’ll pray for you.” “I’m so thankful for you.” Sometimes we back up these words with actions. Little thank you notes, small gifts, time spent with each other.

It can be easier to pay attention to these types of actions.

What about other actions in our lives that say a lot about who we are, and how we respect, or feel about other people?

What about having arrogance when we speak to others, instead of using humility?

What about, not being a good listener when someone tries to speak objectively into our life?

What about, not returning things you borrowed?

What about, being continually late to a meeting, lunch date, or some other event, where you make the other (s) wait for you?

How about never meeting someone half way in a friendship or relationship?

There are so many more “what about’s” and “how about’s” that could be listed.

It’s not just what you say, it’s not just what you do – it’s how you do it.

I can say something in truth to my child in gentleness and love. OR, I can say it in anger.

I can give money when asked, grumbling about it the whole time – or I can reach into my wallet before I’m even asked.

Our true heart lies in our actions. Whether we conduct ourselves with integrity, kindness, gentleness, and humility….. or whether we act indignant, selfish, and use “pointed” words. It says a lot.

I’ve heard people say, “I’ve said the same things as you, but no one listened.” Well, my question would be – “How was your delivery?” “How was your timing?” And most importantly, “Where was your heart and motivation during that moment the words were expressed?’

Our hearts don’t lie. And people can see through our words. They often know if we are putting them off, trying to get something out of them, or offering false ‘niceties.’

People aren’t stupid. (Even though we try to pretend they are.)

I can have something very good happen in my life, but how I present it to others, can either bring them into my goodness and encourage camaraderie, or it can alienate them altogether. Simply by how I deliver and enter into, what I perceive to be a good thing.

We aren’t running life alone. We run it with others.  And although those others don’t run every race with us, they certainly can be our sending team.  I’d rather have a sending team than a “shut the door on my life” team, because of how I arrogantly handled something.

It’s not just WHAT you do in life. It’s not just WHAT you say. It’s not just WHAT happens to you. It’s HOW you do it. HOW you say it.
And HOW you handle it.

Think before you act. Think before you speak.  For the loss of relationships can be so costly.

Don't Be Afraid To Break

Fear is a big part of life. I don’t think anyone goes through life without having fears or having them affect our choices in some way, shape, or form.

A lot of times, I think our fears are relationship-based. They derive their power from some of our past experiences. We are afraid of rejection, because we’ve experienced the embarrassment of rejection.  We are afraid we aren’t good enough, because somewhere, at some point, we have been made to feel that we are “lacking,” and we are afraid of loneliness, because we know the pain of being alone.

There are so many more fears you can add to the list.

We are afraid. And we are afraid of doing something that makes us afraid!

It’s crazy.

I’ve felt fear in all of my limbs. At once. Never a good feeling. And I’ve seen how the power over me, was in the fear itself. It usually is never in the actual thing, I think I’m fearing. No. It’s in the fear that comes BEFORE the thing.

The fear is oftentimes, worse, than what I’m fearing. And it’s worse, because I’m afraid to fall apart. I’m afraid to break. I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle whatever it is.

Do you resonate with where I’m coming from?

The thing is…. I may not like whatever it is that I have to go through. I may not enjoy it. It may hurt. But allowing myself to be broken over it - it brings me freedom, instead of bondage.

You see, sometimes what we ask God NOT to give us; is the very thing we need the most.  It’s the thing we need, to be sifted, to grow, to improve, and to deepen. We may not want it – but we need it in our lives, somehow, somewhere.

Don’t be afraid to break. Don’t let fear hold you captive. Breaking may be the only thing that allows you to move forward. To heal. To gain strength and courage.  To become truly whole.

Fear is powerful – but God is MORE powerful. Let Him give you the strength you need to enter into what fears you the most right now. Walk into it, with Him at your side.

And find the freedom you crave.