Inadequate

I love perspective. I love how it teaches you, brings you peace, focus, and clarity.

The older I get the more I realize how inadequate and flawed I am as a woman. As a person. And yet the older I get, the more okay I am with that. I see how futile and wasteful it is to strive for perfection. There is beauty in my uniqueness.

I recently heard that people who are over 50 are found to be happier and less stressed than those under 50. I think it might be because they have discovered the same thing that I am slowly learning. I think that through their maturity in life, they have learned it is more restful, more joyful, and more peaceful to love yourself as you were created – than it is to strive to be someone whom you were never meant to be.

I’ve always felt that the more perfect I became, the less I would need to lean on God. Yet I strove for it anyways. For myself. For this inner image I had of what it would mean to be the perfect mental image of “me.” What I failed to see was that if I just allowed God to work in my life, submitted to Him, tilted my face upwards and let Him mold me in His own time, that I would become perfectly as He intended me to be. Maybe I would reside perfectly in a state of heartache for a while to learn a perfect lesson for my life that was needed. Maybe I would be perfectly “antsy” and “uncomfortable” as He shifted priorities in my heart. Maybe I would feel perfectly “alone” in a season of life so that He could perfect my reliance on Him, my courage, and my self esteem!

Perspective.

Inadequacy.

Maybe what the world deems inadequate, God deems workable.

All I know is that God created me with a purpose; a vision. And I want to fulfill it. In order to do that, I have to be who He intended me to be – whether or not I feel I am ready or perfect.

There is beauty in that knowledge. And peace knowing He finds me lovely right where I am. Because He sees the bigger picture.