Inside I Still Feel Like I'm 18

Aging is a funny thing.  You notice things changing with yourself and you wonder how it happened.  You find yourself unable to swiftly do what you used to do. Your eyesight isn’t as strong. Muscles not as strong.  You simply look at food and gain a few pounds because your metabolism has changed.

It’s part of life.

But the thing I’ve found is – that inside? Inside, I still feel like I’m 18. 

My mind still feels clear.  I still dream. I still get excited like a schoolgirl over certain things. I still want romance. I still notice attractiveness. I still have ideas. I still hurt.

No – I’m not dead.  I’m just…..older.

An older me who finds it shocking that only older men find me attractive anymore. Oh yah – wait. I AM older!

An older me who enjoys hanging out with her kids friends – only to realize they may not want the “parental figure” always around. I AM the parental figure.

An older me who still wants to dress trendy but is stuck somewhere between super short junior shorts and flowery oversized missy tops.

Somewhere in between.

That’s where I am.

Even though inside – I still feel 18.  I still wonder if I have what it takes. I still don’t always know the right thing to do even though my age and experience should tell me I do. I still make plenty of mistakes.  I still want someone to hold me tight and tell me everything will be all right.

And I think. I think of all the “beloveds” in nursing and retirement homes. Their bodies may feel old. But inside, inside, do they still feel 18 too? Are they still wishing they could take on the world? Do they still long to be accepted?

I’m guessing that never changes.

Age. Age is just a number.  But the heart and mind? Those are timeless.