The Unexpected

The unexpected. 

Time and time again we are unprepared. We plod through life unready to face the curveballs that come our way.

You’d think after a few of them that we’d be on the lookout. That we’d know they are coming. If not today… tomorrow. You’d think we’d have more strength in our spine to face them.

And yet we are so predictable. 

We are usually astonished. Bewildered. And caught off guard by the “unexpected.” 

Whether it’s our health, or the health of a dear loved one. 

Whether it’s a change of life circumstances that derails our dreams and plans, or something else - the “unexpected” usually has one common factor - it does indeed - derail our own agenda.

With one flourishing swoop. 

And we grieve. 

Sometimes internally. Sometimes externally. 

We wail about the unfairness of it all.

And it IS usually unfair. But isn’t that life? 

Why should we be spared hardship and all of it fall upon another? Why should we be allowed to stiffen our necks and rely only on ourselves because we’ve got no reason to lean on anyone else? No reason to lean on God?

Ahh - God.  That word alone causes bitterness. Because of course, He usually gets all the blame. 

We blame God for our hardships. We blame Him for pretty much everything unfair and unexpected. Everything HARD.

And yet we rarely bless Him for the good. For the joys. The blessings. The graces upon graces and mercy that has been shown to us countless times. The times we were spared consequences. Spared gut-wrenching blows …that…we…really…deserved.

But we blame God because He didn’t say “yes” to our prayers. He didn’t seem good to us. Didn’t seem fair to us. He didn’t grant our wishes.

How entitled we are.

How selfish.

God IS faithful. Even if He doesn’t spare our loved one from pain or death. 

God IS good. Even if we get hurt.

I know it. I feel it.

He’s promised it.

The answer can’t always be ‘yes.’ As hard as that is to hear.

We can’t always get our way.

The unexpected will continue to come. And we can learn from it. Grow through it. Be wiser from it. Love greater out of it.

Or we can harden our hearts.

The choice is ours.

The Part of God That We Forget

God is kind. Gentle. Forgiving. Patient. Loving.

We know these things. We talk about them often. We share about how He accepts us no matter what (and He DOES). He created us to be who we are. 

He forgives us endlessly. Thank heavens. 

He is so patient with us. As we doubt, get bitter, mess up, reject Him, and more.

But the thing we DON’T talk about much? Is how God is JUST.

He is not some passive entity in the sky. He is strong. He is a warrior. He disciplines. He is JUST.

And we don’t often like to think about that part of God - because that part? That means we might have consequences for our actions. That part? Might mean we can’t think the things we think in our heads. That part? Might mean we actually have to obey Him.

And that part - means sacrifice on OUR part.

But that part? Also gives me great solace, relief, and comfort. It means my God has a backbone. It means He is wise. He is discerning. 

I need that. I WANT that.

God is not hard-hearted. In fact, I believe He has the softest heart we can imagine. He must -  to put up with us. But I also believe He is JUST.

It reminds me to get humble when I get caught up in the whirlwind of my pride.

It leads me to tremble a little bit more - reminding me that I’m not just dealing with a physical president, king, or leader. I’m dealing with GOD.

The all-mighty.

The all-powerful.

The all-just.

What Makes Someone Keep the Faith?

“Your faith is so strong.”

I’ve heard that several times in my life.

When it’s said to me, it encourages me. But it also confounds me sometimes. For I don’t always FEEL strong in my faith. Others may not see that. They may not see or be aware that I cry in the dark sometimes. That I can feel sorry for myself and wonder why God seems so far away or is not answering my prayers. That I too, can grow weary.

No one’s faith walk is perfect. No one sails through trials, challenges, or unanswered prayers with total peace and faith in their heart every time. Sure - sometimes we do. Sometimes God gives us unexplainable trust and peace throughout very hard ordeals. But sometimes? Sometimes we long for it, yearn for it, and it escapes us - just like everyone else.

I am farrr from perfect. I struggle with pride. Bitterness. Selfishness. And other things too. 

I struggle. Just like everyone else.

I have regrets. Just like everyone else.

And yet - there is one thing I am determined to do. And that is to have faith.

Even in those moments where I feel so feeble, small, and pitiful - I ask God to hold on to me. To give me greater faith and belief in Him. To help me SEE and HEAR Him. To know that He is there with me.

I refuse to not ask Him for help. Because I am scared to death to make the biggest mistake of my life. Which is to ignore He exists.

And so in those moments and times when someone tells me, “Your faith is so strong.” I CAN be encouraged. That a faith that I sometimes feel isn’t strong or big enough - somehow shows up and in my life for others to see. 

I can be encouraged that even if my faith feels as small as a mustard seed, that it indeed matters. That it can move a life.

And I can be encouraged to continue to pray, to seek belief in those moments when I lean towards unbelief - and to to better myself.

Yes, sometimes my faith IS strong. But sometimes? Sometimes it’s so very, very weak. And in those times it’s when I notice that it’s weak not because God has moved. But because I have moved. I have stopped seeking. Stopped listening. And stopped growing.

Faith is so hard for some to find. When we feel we must understand everything - faith can seem far-fetched and inescapable. And yet we so easily have faith that the air we breathe is safe. Or that we will wake after we fall asleep.

We demonstrate faith everyday of our lives. We just don’t think about it.

So why is it so hard to believe that there is a God who created us? Who loves us? And who is. patient with us?

“Your faith is so strong.” Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe my faith is just EXERCISED. APPLIED. And  OPEN to what a Lord and Savior can do in my life.

When the Good and the Bad Show Up Together

Have you ever had so much good and so much bad happening all at once? It’s a lot for the emotions.

You have really hard things to wade through that take up your time and energy. Things that need to be processed.  Yet at the same time, God is bringing exciting news, new phases of life, and joys into your world.

I have been there.

I’ve been in a moment where I leaned over the kitchen sink on a normal morning and felt a wave of tears overcome me - not knowing where they came from or why.

It’s the build-up.

Life takes a lot out of us. Both the good and the bad. 

It can feel like we have no control over our own lives. And we really don’t, do we? But sometimes it just hits home more than other times that that is our reality.

We seek peace.

If I’m honest, I have both yearned and longed for peace in some seasons, while in others, it has come easily and unexplainably to me. 

All I know is that I ask God to give me the strength I need to keep going. Keep trying. Keep loving. And to not be afraid to celebrate the good - even when it’s mixed right smack dab in the middle of the bad.

It’s all a part of life. And the deepest of griefs reside with the highest of joys. Together.

There's Something About Death

 

There’s nothing like death, that can make a person reevaluate their life.

Am I making the most of my time while I’m alive?

Do I need to make healthier choices?

Are their relationships I need to repair?

The list goes on and on. Losing someone we loved, admired, or cared for - causes us to pause, think, and dig internally a little deeper.

And yet there is also something about death that seems to make us turn on our heals and blame God. 

Someone suffered greatly.

A good person was taken, and an evil one was left.

We asked God for healing and it didn’t come.

So many questions. So many unfelt answers.

It perplexes us. Confounds us. Turns our lives upside down. We grieve, we rebel, we doubt, we fear.

I started experiencing death at an early age. My great grandmother passed when I was 6. That is the earliest loss I remember. I don’t remember feeling sadness - just awareness of what was going on around me and the responses. Then I lost my grandpa at age 10. That one hit me hard. 3 weeks later I lost my uncle in a plane crash. And from there, I lost someone I cared about every year until after high school. Death came in the shape of illnesses, and unexpected car accidents. 

I learned how to walk in sadness. And I learned how not to waste time. How to love deeply - because the sadness would be felt just as deeply. I learned how to say I loved, I cared, I saw things in someone. I learned how to learn from people. To watch, and to take what I saw was good and to input it into my heart and my life.

A lot of people don’t get the chance to learn those things. A lot of people don’t CHOOSE to learn those things.

And to me, that is one of the greatest lessons of all. 

Choice.

We choose what we will learn and grow from. And we choose our responses.

With every love, comes the risk to hurt and lose. They go hand in hand. 

It’s not God’s fault we will perish. We were going to perish anyways. It IS God’s grace and mercy, that provided a way for us to live on after this life.

And some may say - why did He create us at all? Why does He stand by and allow us to suffer? I say He doesn’t enjoy it. Yes, He may allow it, but I don’t believe He enjoys it. And I go back to what I originally said - because sometimes it’s only in death that we dig deeply and decide to make changes in our lives. It’s only through death, that we reevaluate who we are, WHY we are, and WHAT we are doing with the time we’ve been given.

I pray when it’s my time, that it’s not painful. For me, or for those who love me. In fact, I pray it’s beautiful. A time where I’m surrounded by comfort, love, and joy - because I know where I’m headed, and those around me know where I’m headed. And my God will come to me in those moments with peace, strength, and His perfect words to leave behind me.

Death is not a choice we want as part of our lives. But it is unavoidable. 

What we take from it is hard. It wrecks us at times. But it can be used for good. It’s just up to us, to decide if we’ll let it.

Why Do We Try So Hard To Hide the "Ugly"

Why?

Why is it when someone commits suicide that no one mentions what happened? Everyone wonders. They inquire. And we seem so eloquent in our choice of wording. 

Why is it when someone dies from cancer we don’t want to show them with no hair? Everyone knows they lost it. They know what happened. 

Why do we try to act like everything is fine when someone we love ends up arrested or in jail? 

I just wonder why we try so hard to hide the bad things. Why we try to cover up what we deem “ugly.” 

News travels. News is discovered. News and pictures are found on the Internet, on the news, shared from friend to friend. Talked about amongst family. It is uncovered. Almost always. Sometimes right away. Sometimes over years.  But still… it is usually unearthed.

Our efforts were in vain.

I don’t think God looks at what we see as bad or ugly quite the same way. I think he often finds our molding, shaping, chiseling, and sifting times as beautiful. He is teaching us. Using us. 

We are often selfish people. We want to keep our reputations and image spotless. And yet that is not “real.” 

We are not truly community if we can’t embrace one another in the highs and lows of life. We can’t walk alongside of each other, grieve, love on, support or help unless we let everything sit out in the open. For aren’t we here to learn, grow, and help each other be better? How can we do that if everyone acts like they are already “better?”

We try to mask what others already see. What they instinctually know. For what? For ourselves, usually. For those who truly love us don’t care. They won’t leave. They won’t judge. 

So I again ask…what is it all for? What do our efforts bring about but temporary comfort?

Be real! Be free. Let others see the struggle, so that they too can be free to struggle. Let them see the heartache. So they too, can cry. Let them see the pain. So that they can see that there is beauty to be found in it. 

Let them see. 

Let them love.